This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
