I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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