I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
