i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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