u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
