I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
