we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
