So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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