Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
