What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
