I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
