I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
