even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...