First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.