If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.