Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
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Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
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I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?