I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.