if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
