All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
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It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
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One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice