I've blown a few things in my day
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
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Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
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I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??