I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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