Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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