where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
