We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
