instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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