apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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