there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
