I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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