I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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