he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
