From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
