guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I didn't notice because vodka
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
