She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
