Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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