True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
