he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Randomize
