We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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