oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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