Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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