Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Randomize
