I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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