When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
