I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
