Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
