god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
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