a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Randomize
