Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
