Sry I called you an 8
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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