Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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