I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
