I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
