It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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