Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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