What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
