Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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