No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
