Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
