I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
