hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
This house was built for laser tag.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
