You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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