Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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