He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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