im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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