i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
