Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
