sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
