She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
