those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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