I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
