the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
either way he was missing a nipple.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
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