your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
