Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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