is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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