do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize