Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
